Costco Chronicles; Episode One: Overpriced Hot Dog! -written by L. Wong So i went to Costco yesterday and asked for a hot dog. But they sell hot dogs with that 20 ounce soda cup and charge me $1.50. "What if i don't want the soda?" smiling as, i asked the lady wearing the hair net who didn't seem amused by my question. "sorry sir, the soda comes with the hot dog." she said with her Phillipino accent. "you have to buy it like that." "But I'm paying extra for something i don't need." I really didn't want the "free" soda; i just wanted my juicy-hot-hot dog in its steaming hot bun. I was looking forward to drenching it with relish, onions and ketchup. mustard tastes unnatural to me. "that's part of the deal sir." people behind me were getting impatient and the cuter, younger check out girl next to her glanced at me and smiled...i think she was Phillipino also. Oh why couldn't have the checkout-gods help me out? I drew the bitter old woman who doesn't even want to be working...and not the eager-to-Succeed, customer-service oriented, French-braided, sweeter goddess. Her skin was a toned soft brown, like cinnamon Frappucino. Couldn't have been any older than 25. She had a gentle loving face and would like to believe that she would have sold the hot dog to me for a dollar. she was definitely 30-second flirt material. "DEAL? what kind of deal is that?" i started to get fired up. "I think Costco is trying to rip us off instead. they make us pay for something we don't want or need." Guys think power trips in front of cute girls are impressive. But they are no more than immature 9-year-old relapses of over-grown temper-tantrums. So i imagine myself in on top of my imaginary soap box. 'that's the problem with wholesale consumerism...this hot dog is a perfect example of unethical Reaganomics! You deceive us with your lies of 'hot-dog deal-meal', when in reality....it's a ploy to get an extra 50 cents out of all your consumers. good honest, hard working American consumers.' "Sir, you don't have to take the soda if you don't want it?" as she holds back from yelling at me. "But do i have to pay for it?" I snapped, still smiling. "We only sell it that way." Still smiling. By now, I had both of my hands on the counter. "OK, well, let's see...how much does just the soda cost by itself?" I ask in calculated question. "eighty nine cents." "OK, so let's take a dollar fifty..." (as they charge me for the 'meal-deal') "...and subtract eighty nine cents." Now, I'm condescending. EHEM! the hot dog should ONLY cost SIXTY ONE CENTS! "I'M PAYING MORE FOR MY UNDESIRED SODA THAN I AM FOR MY JUICY HOT DOG!" I concluded. The cutie-mc'cute check out girl makes eye contact with me again and smiles. she knows I'm just doing this for my own amusement. "i agree with you..." as she leans over and whispers, "...but she's just doing her job." I was seduced by the brunette with her oily hair bunched up in HER hair net. what is it about guys getting mesmerized by a lovely face? did i think i had a chance with her? some girl at the Costco food checkout? No! She was part of the scheme too; to get eighty-nine extra cents out of me; a cheap Chinaman with images of my mother in a heated argument in Chinatown with a grocery store owner over why a bunch of bok-choy is so expensive at that particular store, when she can walk four blocks and save a nickel per bunch. 'why should she buy from this store if she didn't have to?' 'Yeah, cutie, she's just doing her job...making her money...and I'm just tryin' to save mine!' I wasn't having this conversation for fun anymore; I was now on a mission to save the few pennies in honor of my mother! "why can't i just buy the juicy-hot-hotdog by itself like everything else on the menu? like the single slice of pizza, or the single chicken bake?" You know why? Because those Costco big-wigs wouldn't make money just on the hot dog....they know the hot dog is only worth sixty-one cents! But they can't sell something for just sixty-one cents! They want their all mighty DOLLAR! So they bundle it with a soda, in a ploy to get extra cash out of you! I'm on to you Costco! Just like when you guys sell me 23 extra bars of soap when I really only need ONE! How many times have we ended up with a box of 57 extra Bagel Bites in our freezer; when we only wanted THREE! Why do I need TWO tubs of Lemonade mixing powder! How much lemonade can any one person drink? What is this?!!? 82-trillion cases of Snapple?! It's consumer over-kill! AND I DON'T WANT THE SODA THAT COMES WITH THE HOT DOG! And your cutie-pie check stand lady, with the huge beautiful brown eyes are not going to fool me! The older lady shakes her head as the younger one twists her hips and her red-apron shapes into an hourglass, leans over and gently places her hand on mine and smiles, "so do you want the hot dog with the soda?" SOLD! I sat under an indoor lawn-umbrella on a plastic bench inside a Costco Warehouse the next 15 minutes replaying the fact that she touched my hand; as I choked down my now oily-cold-hot dog with my overpaid soda in a paper cup that I didn't want in the first place. And I couldn't be more happy! | 
